No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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