Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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