i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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