I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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