took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
