Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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