Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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