you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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