I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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