I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
