So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
