I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
