his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
