I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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