i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
