My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
