nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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