It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
