I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize