my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
