i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
