i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
