i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize