remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
