I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
