ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
