Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
