break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
