the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
