Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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