quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
