Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
