you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
