too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
