Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
