he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
