I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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