there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
