This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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