yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
