I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
