I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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