My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
