I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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