i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
