guys are only as good as the porn they watch
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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