Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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