We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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