Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
