awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
