I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
