He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
