Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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