Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
