I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
