I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
