Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize