this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I touched a dick in church today
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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