how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
