I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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