You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Rumble strips road head = magical
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
