it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
