Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
