i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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