I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
