Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
