Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we're making bets on your personal life
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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