everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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