Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
