Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
