I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
