Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize