I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
