I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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