Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
