I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
