Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
