i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
