This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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