On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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