I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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