the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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